"In China, long distance train passengers sometimes wear adult diapers because there is no access to bathrooms on the trains. Let's just hope Southwest Airlines never hears about this!"

"According to the Wall Street Journal, North Korea has become a leading counterfeiter of cigarettes. Counterfeit cigarettes? They're like regular cigarettes without all the healthy ingredients. You know smokers -- they hate to put anything inferior in their lungs."

"Fifteen people in Los Angeles have been arrested for counterfeiting after one of them used phony one hundred dollar bills to pay for a three-hour lap dance. Three hours?! That's not a lap dance! In L.A., that's a long-term relationship!"

-Jay Leno