View Full Version : Humour: And Now, the Fake News From Iraq

12-04-2005, 10:27 AM
Our top 10 suggested headlines for the Pentagon's new, new journalism
Village Voice (http://villagevoice.com/news/0549,vest,70643,2.html)

So the Pentagon has been planting news stories in Iraq, eh? Yesterday, the New York Times reported (http://www.businessweek.com/the_thread/brandnewday/archives/2005/12/the_pentagon_an.html) that one of the headlines straight from the brass reads: "The Sands Are Blowing Toward a Democratic Iraq." We think the long arm of the American Empire can do better than that. To wit, we submit the following:

1. Longtime Residents Applaud US Marine-Led Urban Renewal Project in Falluja; "Thank Allah They Got Rid of A Bad Element and Worse Architecture," Says Woman on Street

2. 25-30% of Iraqi Workforce Enjoys Extended and Well-Earned "Post-Saddam Holiday"

3. Baghdad Among Top World Cities for Electricity Conservation

4. US Department of Education-sponsored Media Training Program "Honored and Enlightened" by Visit From Distinguished American Journalists Armstrong Williams and Judith Miller (http://www.villagevoice.com/news/0543,vest,69118,6.html)

5. New Ministry of Interior Torturers Far Cry From Saddam Era; Only "Some Skin" Peeled Off Now, Say Victims

6. Dangerous Italian Driving Habits Prompt Stern Traffic Enforcement in Baghdad

7. All-American MPs Bring Cheerleading to Abu Ghraib; "They really love to do the pyramid," say Coaches Graner and England

8. Islamist Terrorist Defects, Renounces Allegiance to "Osama bin Loony"

9. Ahmed Chalabi: The Best Man Ever

10. Mission Accomplished